someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i've created a new STD.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
