It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
