Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
