i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need moral support for this bender
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
