Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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