my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
