The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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