dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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