If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
