It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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