Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
