if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
