what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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