morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
