well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
