help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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