i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
