so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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