hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
