the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
