Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
