Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
