yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
