why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
