Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
