Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
