I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
