that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
