yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
