we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
