There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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