So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Randomize
