Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
