I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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