i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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