I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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