The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
