There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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