Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
