You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
