there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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