btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found puke in my bra..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
