her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
