everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
