funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
