This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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