I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think my fart just growled at me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
