did you get engaged???
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
