I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
