Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
