Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
