i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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