Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How does one acquire holy water?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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